Dear Diary,

Yesterday 23Aug2009 was a special and memoriable day of my life. Haha! I had my first ever Dizi solo concerto at the Esplanade Concert Hall, after waiting for 8yrs of my life in CO! I am so happy that my last wish to play solo concerto with the orchestra accompanying me has come true! Although my wish was to have SCO accompany me for SYCO annual concert solo..it is still a wish come true and a great experience/opportunity for me! My next target will be to try hard for SYCO concerto next year cos' I was not selected to play this year =(

I'm so glad that the concert was a success! But what I really regretted was not playing perfectly on stage..=( I didnt know why my lips were suddenly so tight till I couldnt play out the high notes at the beginning of the piece. However, I was glad and thankful that I managed to save my piece and play better at the back. I also received comments that I was hunching my back while playing too. This i really have to change.. haix.. haha.. and I got a shock when I heard my recording which my best friend had secretly recorded for me..I kept rushing my piece throughout.. but thankful that I didnt flop. lol.. phew~

Actually for the past few rehearsals from thursday-saturday, I only went through my whole piece once, which was on saturday. Then sunday I went through the whole piece again the 2nd time during full-run, and the last time was during the concert itself. For the past practices, ZLS skipped my 2 cadenza solo parts.. so i didn't get a lot of chance to play the full piece =( then I was quite sad that my song was usually the last piece to rehearse, when everyone was alrdy very tired and wanted to go home. Maybe it was my fault for not being on time for practices. haix. or was it becos' ZLS thought that I have no problem at all so didn't need much practice? But actually I was very scared and not very confident..but seeing everyone so tired..even myself..and also the lack of time..I didnt dare to request anything..

I was also quite unhappy with whom I thought was a more closer clique of friends..I have known them even longer than my other groups of friends..and despite asking them 3times.. most didnt even bother to reply me whether they're coming or not to watch my concert. If they could just reply me even though they aren't interested to watch, or find the tickets too expensive, at least just reply me and I can understand. But then they didnt even bother. The reason why I kept on asking them whether they wanted to watch was because I really hoped they could come or at least give me a reply so that I'll know. If I don't treat them as impt, I wouldn't have wasted so many msges on them. So forget it. Maybe they are just friends for entertainment purposes and not friends who will be there for you to support you when you really want them to be present and share your happiness tgt. haix.. I was quite sad over the past few days..really disappointed..kept on thinking why.. now I realise.. and I shld just forget about it and 看开. Its really better to have 1 best friend who supports you, than so many friends who dont care.

What I am really grateful of are those friends who came to watch and support me although we aren't really close or don't hang out often. I am really thankful touched and happy that y'all came! Some even came to watch despite having their exam week! Thank you SPCO peeps!! =')

I also want to thank so many ppl for encouraging me, wishing me good luck and asked me to jiayou! All your encouragements and good wishes really helped!!

Thank You firstly my Mother, Ah Mei, Ah Jie.. my family~my loves~ though I was abit disappointed with my aunt.. long story~ dun wanna say le~

Thank You my Bestest Friend Forever-Raymond! Without your encouragement, advice, support, listening ear, to be always there for me, I think I would have alrdy sunk into depression. =)) For the past few days you've been listening to my tears. Sorry! =(

Thank You my dizi lao shi-Hong Lao Shi! Without your guidance, I think I wouldnt have played the song better..=)

Thank You my poly buddies Chiew Hsia and Yue Ting! Even though I know both of you aren't really interested in CO, y'all thought of coming to watch but I know Uni Life is stressful and busy! Thanks Chiew Hsia for listening to me too~! and your great support!! ^^

Thank You my friends who msged me great wishes/came to watch my performance! Thank You - William, Koen, Jackson, Joanne, XueQi, XiangLe, PeiCheng, Mervin, Jake, James, Shirley, Sam, Beeyan, Hazel, MeiHui, Jonathan, HsienHan, SYCO peeps, SPCO peeps, EVCO peeps, my Echomusic Vocal teacher Esther, Simon, Wanling, my dizi Student Hana, and I am sorry if I missed out anyone else!

I am also very happy that PeiQi went to buy a spongebob underpants for me as an encouragement gift! Really happy! my favourite! And ChuJun for giving me a flower and a card that I can keep! Thanks for listening to me also! =))

I am really happy to receive so many gifts and flowers! its the happiest moment ever! Thank You Esther and Simon for the flowers, EVCO for the flowers, my dear AhMei for the flowers, SPCO and SYCO for the flowers and chocolates! Thank You dear Raymond for the cute Monkey~!! Its really so disappointing that Esplanade doesnt allow audiences to present gifts..=( I know you wanted to surprise me =) I love the monkey a lot! Thanks for helping me record my solo!!! <3 Thank You dear AhJie for the cute sheep named Debbie! Quite sad that I forgot or didnt have the chance to take photos with the others! =(

Thank You MinHui for the bananas! It really helped! and I felt so stupid la..I was in a rush to find ppl after the concert ended that I actually forgotten my dizi! lol! so blur me! Thanks for helping me carry my dizi even though you had to carry so many things and 2 ruans! Oh man.. I really felt so guilty! You've played really well and I enjoy chatting with you!! haha.. and our peranakan costumes! ^_^

Thank You ZLS for giving me this great opportunity to perform this solo concerto and also the 2 tickets you've bought for minhui and I each! Im so sorry if I didnt do my part well as a student/member in the orchestra! =D

Thank you ppl for your honest comments you've given me! I'll try to improve on my weaknesses and to focus on my strengths too!

Thank You! ='))

heehee~



















=)


My New soft toy family =)))

Dear Diary,

Yesterday was my 1st day of school at NUS. Didnt have the 1st day of school feeling. so weird.. unlike poly.. the feeling was really weird and bad.. in the morning i was really happy touched and grateful! chiew hsia and yue ting accompanied me to my 1st lecture at 10am =) cos' yueting had break from 10-12pm as tutorials have not started.. then chiew hsia actually didnt have lesson until 12pm too.. but she accompanied me at SK station all the way to NUS. =) thank you my dear girl friends!! =)) heehee.. We took train to harbour front instead.. cos i had stomachache on the way..hai.. dunno was it bcos i was very nervous or wad.. then we took bus 10 from harbour front to kent ridge interchange =)

first lecture was Southeast Asian Studies.. one of my exposure modules.. it was great and the lecturers were funny! =) at first i thought the module would be boring.. cos' i've heard from other friends that it is hard.. and the title Southeast Asia Studies sounds like social studies.. but it was ok..

then we were released earlier.. then Tian Hwee joined us =) at 12pm Chiew and Yue went for their lecture while I had lunch with Tian Hwee at Mac.. =)

everything was alright before that..

then after lunch.. we went separate ways for different lectures..

i went for my jap film and anime lecture.. i thought it would be interesting..

but the lecturer, an old lady prof.. gave us a really not so nice 1st impression.. her first words were like "if you don't like this class, you can leave the room" like as if telling us that if we are bu shuang attending this class we can get lost..

kao..

then after that she had her lecture.. then i sat alone.. no friends..

realised very hard to make friends.. didnt know how to start.. like so different from poly.. haix..

then the 2nd hour.. we watched a film.. showing the different eras of japanese films.. but then.. dunno why they kept showing those nude scenes of different films.. -.-"" then the lecturer was so weird.. said that if we don't want to watch the nude scenes then we can leave..-.- diao.. but then the thing was we alrdy saw then she say.. she should have let us know that the video would have nude scenes before she played it.. dots man!

then i really felt so sian.. like i've chosen the wrong module..=(

then after the lesson ended.. i really felt like dropping this module.. cos' i dun understand at all... all the old films.. dun understand why..

i thought this module would teach us about modern film and anime.. cos i love anime.. but turns out to be.. we'll only be covering on 2 animes.. and the rest are films..

haix..

then after the class.. i headed to my last lecture for the day from 4-6pm..
it was sociology exposure module..

the class was huge.. about 450ppl in the LT.. T_T i've nv attended a class in a LT with so many ppl before. its so weird..

then i sat alone.. cos' i didnt know anyone who's taking the same module.. a bit of a loner again.. haix..

then at first i saw quite a lot of ppl who sat alone.. and i thought maybe they also didnt have friends.. but when the class was about to start.. more ppl came in.. and actually they are their friends.. they came in earlier to chop seats for them.. haix.. then i looked around again.. like im the one sitting alone..

it was horrible.. i didnt understand wad the lecturer was talking.. abit of bias.. cos' he kept saying JC JC JC.. like as if the class had no one who came from poly..=(

felt left out..

so sucky feeling..

then e funny thing was.. i didnt think that there was anything to write or take down any notes.. but i looked around and saw ppl writing on their lecture notes.. like as if so many things to take down..

then i felt weird that i was like the only one not writing anything.. so in the end.. i just took out my pencil and try to write something which i didnt even know wad i was writing about..

the lecture was boring.. the module was even more boring.. i thought sociology is an interesting course.. to know about how ppl behave and think.. but it didnt turn out to be wad i had expected..

actually even thought of majoring in either sociology or theatre studies.. but now i confirm im not going to major in sociology le..

monday i'll be attending my theatre studies module.. hope it will be good..

if not..

perhaps..

i'll quit school at the end of the yr..

haix..

sad again.. cos' i've msged so many ppl regarding my first ever solo perf.. but only 2 or 3 replied me said they'll be going.. the rest didnt reply.. then some replied but said they not going..=(

felt weird.. like not enough practice.. conductor went for holiday.. next sunday performance le..=(( last sun prac cancelled due to NDP.. this sun cancelled due to conductor holiday.. then only have next thur,fri and sat to rehearse..

i really hope everything will go well..

God, Buddha, Guan Yin Pu Sa..pls Bao You Wo!!

im STRESSED

My friend when I think of you,
I think of all that we've been through.
All the times we argue and fight,
I know deep inside that it isn't right.
I'd feel guilty and alot of pain.
It feels like I'm the teardrops of the rain.
I love you dear friend with all of my heart.
I hope our friendship will never fall apart.
Although I am bad at giving advice,
I'll try even harder to listen to you twice.
I want to be there for you in times of need,
To support you always till you succeed.
Sometimes I may not totally understand,
The thoughts in your mind that you've planned.
Give me some more time for me to change,
And I assure you that it will not be strange.
The complications and confusion in my mind,
Are the things that I want to leave behind.
Let's treasure our friendship like we used to be,
Cuz' you're my hero and that's a guarantee!

--------------------------------------------------

I wrote this first ever original poem for my bestest friend.


But don't know why I'm feeling very lost and afraid now
Suddenly there's so many things going through my mind
Im afraid of many things
Going Uni.. a total stranger course
The friends that I will be making
Will I accept their different mindsets and thinkings?
Recently have gone out with a new group of friends
But it was just so weird that I couldn't understand
Can I really accept it..the changes around me that are going to happen?
My dizi solo in Aug..
Frankly speaking I have not been practicing a lot..
And I hate myself for not doing so
I'm afraid that my first ever solo perf at Esplanade concert hall will be a disaster!
I'm afraid that I will not overcome my stage fright
I'm afraid of moving on..
I'm afraid of losing my loved ones
I'm afraid of losing the happy times that I'm enjoying now

I'm afraid I'm going emo..again..