Dear Diary,

oh man.. I just watched the replay of American Idol Finale Results.. and Im a little bit sad that Adam Lambert didn't win American Idol =( haix..

I think he is really superb!! I love his vocals!! =)) so powerful!!

Adam Lambert Rocks!! ^^

I love his "No Boundaries"

Dear Diary,

Today I did a good deed =) I went to Dhoby Ghaut to donate blood. The blood donation drive is until tomorrow. So ppl who wanna do a good deed can go there to donate! It's painless and very satisfying to the heart!

The last time I donated blood was in 2006 in SP. 3 yrs le..how time flies~ =) The whole process took me 2 whole hrs!! But the wait was indeed worth it! I feel very happy after I donated =)

Hope my blood will save someone's life! =))

heehee...

Dear Diary,

I wondered how I got over with my ex bf few yrs back so fast.. think i got over with him after few weeks later. Although sometimes I will miss him and recall back of the happy and romantic moments we shared, still.. it is all in the past already.. no point looking back.. cos' feelings have changed..

I guess the solution to get over something is to be real occupied with sooo many things so that you'll become so busy until you don't have the time, mind or energy to think. And also to minimise contact like sms or even go out.. that was how I got over with him so fast.. lol.. of course, I had my friends' and family's support at that down period of my time..

but then how to get over with feelings of love for a friend whom I will never want to lose? cos' I treasure the friendship so much that I will never ever bear to destroy it with my own hands! many years of good friendship slowly becoming to real best friend/companions..trust..care and concern..happiness.. it will be foolish of me to break it!

I've tried so hard.. I can't bear to minimise contact or going out.. no matter how busy I am, I will still find time to spend with my best friend. Cos' I enjoy being with my best friend and I feel that I am being myself when I'm with my best friend. There's nothing to hide, even my bad habits.. I don't have to worry about entrusting most of my deepest secrets, feelings, problems or gossips with my best friend! My best friend is a great problem solver and I got to learn a lot of meaningful yet useful trips from my best friend! Most of all.. I love my best friend! =')

I keep on telling myself not to think so much and that I will change or get rid of my weird and wrongful thinkings.. but then.. is it wrong to love my best friend? but sometimes it gets so frustrating and hurtful that it harms our friendship..especially when it becomes one-sided.. or maybe my love for my best friend is just love for a friend.. not BGR.. maybe I'm confused all the while..

But I've always thought.. how good it will be if we can remain like this forever.. I don't need all the romantic sweet actions.. cos' we have been really good and close even without body contacts..

how good it will be if my best friend will go through my life with me..and continue to help me along the way..

how good it will be if we could still go out and watch movies at nights together for as long as possible.. but things do not turn out the way we think they will be.. maybe we would say or predict that we can still be as close as how we are when both of us have found another so-called "life partner".. but then how will we know when we have not experienced it? There will surely be a lot of other problems arising.. cos' we would then have to think of our own "life partner" first right.. how many bf/gf would be so generous to allow or entrust their bf/gf to go out until so late with their other gender friend who have even known their own bf/gf even longer than themselves? Even if they are so generous or open-minded, but then of course all these outings with our best friends would be lesser and lesser.. it is natural and logical that we spend most time with our bf/gf right..

But what is exactly the feeling of BGR? I'm sometimes so confused till I've forgotten what it is.. is it just heart-beating fast or feeling of shyness when you see the guy you love or when you see him you don't dare to look at him straight in the eye? Or is it when you'll keep on thinking about the guy every moment at least once every single day? Or always looking at your HP hoping the guy you love will msg you or call you or even better, ask you out? Or is it when you see the guy you love going out or playing with other girls and you get so jealous till you want to get his attention so he'll know? is that called the so-called 'special' feeling?

Sometimes life gets to a point where you cannot remain in your comfort and blissful zone.. I hate changes in life! but will a change be a better solution to all these problems? or will it not? I have to face it somehow.. be it lost, rejects, regrets, deaths, disasters, illnesses or even good things.. the day will arrive somehow.. just that sometimes we people enjoy so much of our life now, that we want to extend it to as long as possible.. or hoping that time will stop. but we know that it will not happen..

Sometimes people say that if we love someone we should let the person know.. if not there might not be a chance and we may regret not doing so.. but sometimes getting a lot of rejects and empty hopes are making me lose confidence.. or am I just being stubborn thinking that if I keep on trying.. miracle will happen?

Some other people say that if we love someone we should let the person go.. this is called true generous love.. but not all people can do it.. we humans are selfish.. esp when it comes to love.. but of course, if we truly love someone, we also want him/her to be happy. If that person is unhappy by our repeating actions or behaviour or words, then what's love already? If both party are unhappy.. then isnt it better to have 1 of them to be happy rather than both to be unhappy? Anyway, I'm sure the person who will be heartbroken, depressed or sad.. will slowly recover from all the heartbreaks soon...just need the time to get over with it and move on..

I know that there is no result in force love.. of course I do not wish my life partner to be with me becos' he's forced too.. or bcos' he doesnt want me to get hurt.. or bcos' he wants me to happy. But I will definitely not be happy if he is forced to be with me.. and not bcos' he truly wants to.. Both parties will definitely end up being very painful and tired of sustaining the relationship which was never meant to be started..

love is so complicated and complex.. sometimes no matter how hard we try or commit.. we just cannot be together with the ones we truly love.. feelings are so complicated.. how good it will be if I know what the other party is thinking..

but still.. I love my best friend.. and I treasure both of our friendships! =)

I wish to have more best friends too =)) cos' the feeling of having a best friend is really very blessed!