Dear Diary,

I shall talk about what happened yesterday and today...

Yesterday....

Received a bad bad bad news.. haix.. really so sad.. cos min yi called me and said, "i'm sorry to inform you that you are not selected for the SYCO Concerto" and then my reply was like "ok, thanks..."

haix.. i actually got 'xin li zhun bei le' that I might not be selected.. i always thought by thinking negatively, i may have a higher chance of winning or achieving something. Bcos it happens so many times to me!! Whenever I think that I will not score so well in that particular module or getting any awards, I ended up getting them or achieving good grades for the module which I didnt had any confidence to do well in.

On the contrary, for those which I had much confidence in mostly ended up disappointing me.. weird, isn't it?

haix.. so i kept telling myself that I surely won't get the concerto de!! BUT then in my heart... i really wished I could get it!! My one and only wish!! I've been in SYCO for like 5 yrs already.. 1st batch and can't imagine that I'd ever last that long in an orchestra! even longer than sec sch co or evco (cos' i've been skipping pracs)... and then I have never performed solo in syco before!! even the concert pieces i nv really had a solo line.. except for xin di de which you cant even hear..

Sometimes i am really confused!! I know there will surely be people who are better than myself in this world.. but sometimes i am just confused over my own abilities... perhaps I really didnt put in my best effort or worked hard enough.. so I know I cannot blame anyone else except myself!!

Sometimes I am also sad.. because being in the orchestra for so long, I don't really have any chance to perform solo in a real concert. I also hate myself for not able to overcome my 'stage fright'.. Actually in my heart I really hope that one day I will have the chance to perform to everybody and really entertain them and make the whole concert really enjoyable!

Even SPCO concert.. I didnt had the chance to perform solo during our concert... pei zhen, chao yong, xue qi, jeremy..etc all had the opportunity.. sometimes I really envy them... I know that this is my most hated weakness!!! But I just cant overcome my weakness!!

I thought that perhaps SYCO could have given me a chance to perform the Concerto cos' I've been in the orchestra since it started till now and this may be the last yr i'll be in this orchestra... cos i'll be going overseas in sept...

And my dream is now vanished... even William who told me he won't be joining syco anymore.. said his dream was to also perform solo for the concert.. though he didnt get selected but he was given the opportunity to perform solo during the chamber concert last yr!

I know what Im saying now is a bit too emotional.. I know SYCO has already given me a big opportunity to being able to go to Tainan on 2006 to participate in their ChiShi Arts Festival. I am really very grateful and honoured to be selected. But if its not for Mr Quek who pushed it all, I don't think I'd ever be selected or perhaps the 11 of us would not have gone there. Thank You Mr Quek!! I'm really looking forward to your return soon!!

I am a person who hates to bottle things up.. I know I've always shown you my weakess moments.. You are my only friend whom has seen my tears rolling down so many many times! You are always so patient with me and is always the one who gives in to me when I throw my anger at you or scolded you or given you the 'black' face or even announced a cold war with you... I must admit that I really feel very lucky to have such a wonderful friend/god bro like you! I always told myself to be open-minded... to take away the 'jealousy' in me.. to be strong and not always cry over such small things.. or become overly-sensitive. Bcos' I know if I continue to be like this, someday both of us would end up tired of each other and it'll affect our friendship..
I'm trying to improve myself and be more open-minded.... its hard.. so hard... but i'm always trying.. though it fails so many times..

Thank You my god bro!!

Before I received the bad call, I received a good call.. don't know whether should I say good or bad.. its from a reporter.. Im not sure whether is it from the media or SP de..but then she wanted to interview me regarding the excellence award that I will be receiving this coming wed in sch.. one thing which made me so embarrassed was that she thought my gpa was like 3.9... but then when I corrected her that my gpa is not that good.. only 3.69... i somehow felt really disgusted in myself... thinking that... "am I really good enough to receive the award?" or "have they chose the wrong person?".. bcos frankly speaking, I don't think I am good enough to be a model student in SP.. though CCA wise.. indeed, I acheived a DIST all thanks to SYCO cos by joining it I already got 44 points.. but besides that, I cant think of other things which makes me a role model!!

She also asked me whether besides Chinese Orchestra what other things I participated or whether I learnt other instruments.. and I said no.. the only thing I could tell her was chinese orchestra and I play the Di Zi only!

haix.. But honestly, I feel very lucky and happy to have such wonderful teachers, friends and family who are so supportive of me.. If I have never met anyone of them, I don't think I will become who I am now...a much stronger and better person as before..

Thank You everyone!!

Anyway... enough of these emotions... Im feeling much better now.. I will continue to improve on my skills and make sure some day I will have the chance to perform on stage with my wonderful music!!! gambate ne!!!

Now, i shall carry on with the events... happier though...


alright!

On my way to Raymond's house to do ChuJun's card... I received a call from Tian Cang saying there's a gig on thurs... whee!! just the right time when I'm utterly BROKE now!!! I can earn fast cash again~~! =))))) hehehe.. so she somehow cheered me up with the $$$$~!!!! whakAkaKAka~!

Then Raymond's mum was super nice!! offered me a plate of her home cooked noodles with duck, chicken and mushroom~!! really very touched and happy.. even offered me 2 packets of drinks..hehehe.. =))) the food was tasty!!

Then after that we went to watch movie at AMK Hub.. was deciding between meet the spartans and sky of love.. cos of the time left... so in the end.. we watched sky of love... thought it would be a nice movie.. cos the newspapers wrote that teen girls may cry watching the movie... then angie and the rest also wanted to watch on sun..

GUESS WAD!! The movie SUCKS!!! It was so DRAGGY!!! The story plot was a bit weird.. that guy got cancer for 2 yrs.. and we wonder what he was doing when he found out he had cancer... normal human beings will surely go seek for treatment de rite!! since its in the early stage.. just go extract the tumor and everything will be alright!! some parts were redundant.. like the girl finding another boyfriend and then dumping him in e end to go back to her old lover.. -.- first time I watched till I really wanna get out of the cinema!! But both of us "jian chi dao di" lol... -.- anyway, haix.. really feel so guilty again... cos' i've again introduced him a bad movie..lol! haix.. wasted his money.. =(

then after that, we went to meet derek and chu jun to have dinner together and celebrate jun's flying overseas on wed!! =D yeah.. we ended up eating MOS Burger.. but it was cool =)) then gave her the book we made... we're happy that she likes it!! spent quite some time doing it ^^ took pics and after that around 9pm plus, the 4 of us decided to sing K BOX!!! YEAH!!! 1st time ever gone to KBox with jun and derek!! It was really so fun and enjoyable!!!! hahahahaaha!! but so sad la!! jun nv sing.. haix.. =( but it was fun. singing.. making everyone laugh with our funny singing.. haha.. the 'skin and bones' song.. titled "Yellow" -.- by cold play.. i loved the song la.. but didn't know why i sing till we laugh..lol!!

ROng Shu Xia song was funny too!! raymond sing till so lao!! so we all wanted to copy him..lol.. then compete with each other who could sing the lowest or highest in pitch.. so basically, the 4 of us went a bit crazy and wild!!

Jun left at around 1am plus i think.. then the 3 of us continued to sing.. 1st time man!! we sing till no more song to sing.. then anyhow picked any weird, old, jap songs to sing... sung the verse and chorus then skip to next song.. repeated some songs..lol.. then derek was like asleep.. so left raymond and I singing..lol.. surprisingly we could really last till 3am!! till it closes.. whaha!!

But i really enjoyed singing with them..4 people just nice! cos too many people sing also not fun.. it gets boring after some time especially while waiting for your song and not knowing how to sing other people's songs..

then the 3 of us took a cab home.. cannot tahan liao.. lol.. but surprisingly the cab fare was ok.. not really ex though.. each of us like only pay 4bucks..

yeah.. and that was yesterday...

went home sleep till 9am.. then woke up prepared to meet hazel at orchard at 11am.. to attend a Women Power Lunch at The Regent Hotel.
Met a few new friends on our table.. all of them were very friendly.. we introduced our names.. hah... then basically the lunch is about a talk from the SCWO..Women's Association.. didnt know today's International Women's Day!! Whee!!!!

Happy Women's Day to all Women!!! yea... women rocks! =)

then the talk was boring!!

haha..

hazel and i were not really paying attention to the speakers...

our minds were like...

FOOD!!! FASTER COME TO US!!!

luckily, the food was great! so in the end, the whole event turned out to be quite well.. just that it was so long la!!! from 1130am ALL THE WAY TILL 3pm!!! SITTING DOWN LISTENING TO THEM TALK... and eat la..

We both loved the bread, salmon and the mushroom soup!! oishi desu ne!!

anyway, I guessed what the panel of speakers said were true... women tend to be the one losing out in a male dominated society.. but then in order for us to be successful, we have to persevere and to believe in ourselves! Men tend to do things with a clear vision or motive but women on the other hand, tend to be more uncertain in the things they do.. which would many at times make people doubt us whether we really know what we are doing or whether we really know how to lead others..

But still speaking of bosses, I still feel male employers are much friendlier to female employees.. partly also due to my own experiences in part time working environment.. =P

So all women!! jia you ba!!

we shall rule the world in time!!

whahahahaha!!

joking.. =P


anyway.. so after that, I learnt a lot of important things from the great leaders and women speakers.. they somehow inspired me and taught me not to give up that easily and some day we could prove to men and others what we are capable of doing.. if men can be so successful and dominating, why can't women do the same thing too right?! we are all humans.. hehehehe.

then went out shopping spree with hazel.. tiring but fun! hehe..

going to die liao.. im so tired!! tmr need to go evco so early!! argh!! 930am have to reach.. OH MAN!!! /.\

*haix.. i wonder whether lao shi got received my msg yesterday or not? felt so weird after sending him the msg...cos.. he told me that if got any probs can tell him.. but i've yet received any reply from him except... "pls reach csco by 930am tmr.. wear all black.." =S*

anyway.. oyasuminasai (good night), MINA (everyone)!!